They came from the sun

Almost nostalgic behaviour

It's 4h39 a.m. and I'm listening to some Cohen (Not the GREATEST albuns but a great album (Various Positions))and missing old times...



First of all, introductions. I'm the idiot trying to look like a vamp on the pic, then there is my brother, Nuno, and there's Marta, his gilfriend.

I don't consider myself to be a nostalgic person, but I would be lying if I said I wasn't missing these days. Nuno and Marta are two of the persons that most helped me in the last year or so. They were there with me in some striking moments. My first piercing and tattoo, when life was getting shittier by the second, you understand. They were also "responsable" for showing me some things in life that I didn't noticed before.

Well, time to see if I get some sleep now.

ST

- Did you come alone?
- What do you think?
- Shit!

Dysfunction

In an unclearing shatter of light, the bells stoped ringing... For the first time in ages, I felt asleep. Everything seemed bright and silent. I can't remember what I dreamt... I just remember I was in peace with myself...

Under the Surface

Almost everyone "wants" to say they are emotionally bleak on "sentimental" music... Not everyone reaches that...



The shell is hollow! And so am I!

Trough Silver in a Sun that Never Sets

I've talked about it before, now here it is, my first tattoo.

Unconscious Awakening

I've been walking around in circles for... Fuck! Lost notion of time... This is keeping darker and darker, having eyes is starting to get useless... That bell makes it harder for me to get a little notion of orientation... Everything smells the same... Everywhere I go, there's that putrid smell of garbage... All the doors and windows are closed and locked... I wonder what place is this... And what was that guy talking about? I'm stuck in here, so I could give it a try, but how much can I trust in a guy that says he is me?... I guess not that much... And all of my supposed potencial... WHAT THE FUCK was he talking about? Reading minds? For what? To hear some asshole thinking about fucking? Almost nobody thinks anything besides eating, drinking, sleeping or fucking anymore! Most of those who think something beyond that, only think about fighting... Wow! What's that? Fuck! I'm seeing some light finally

- Hi.
- Wha?!

This wasn't the cold but pacient voice of the supposed me... Suddenly I felt shivers all over my spine... I knew that voice...

- He said you would react that way. - She smilled to him
- Do I know you? Your voice is terribly familiar... Have we met before?
- Of course we've met before. We're inside your head...

She kept on smilling while I was trying to figure out where did I met her, who was she, and why the fuck she was smilling...

-Why are you smilling and do you can read my thoughts to?
- I'm smilling because I was curious to see you here. No, I can't to that, you can relax now.
- Where have we met and why are you curious?
- It's definitely you... The same suspicious person... - Her eyes began to sparkle.
- You seem happy about it... - He was know adopting a more defensive positivion. - You still haven't answered my questions...
- It's fair. We've met a long time ago, you almost don't remember me now, but we used to be great friends back in the "old days".
- Like when we were kids?
- Yes, why?
- Don't want to offend you but... You look older than me. At least you look older than me when I last saw myself on a mirror.
- No ofense taken.
- Well, at least you can't read my mind.
- Ahahahah! Well, he did that just to be sure it was you. When a person enters your life, part of that person gets stuck on your mind. It's a usual "procedure" but from time to time, there is someone who gets so stuck on you that you stop controlling yourself. He doesn't get rid of it, that would kill part of you, he kind'a looks them.
- Ok... What the fuck?
- Yes, it's weird to know how your mind works on certain ocasions... - Her look changed.
- Why are you staring at me that way?
- All of that is your fault!
- Wow! Calm down!
- You've almost died you prick!
- Ok, this is getting awkward...

WTF?! I've almost died?! Am I in a coma or something? And who is she, I know she is lying about where we've met...

- Thanks to your careless attitude, you've almost died. Why do you think YOU've became colder? It doesn't refflect that much on your life for now, but somedayn it will!
- Ok lady, I think it's time for me to get out of here...
- Where are you going?
- There's that light over there, I wan't to give it a try.
- Don't be stupid! In fact, stop being stupid for a minute!
- That's it, I'm going there!
- No, you're not! Or better yet, if you go there, no one, and I repeat this, NO ONE will go there to save you! Not even yourself. - She took off... Disappeared in that misty darkness...

Mind hole

It is dark in here, there's a bell ringing every minute, it smells like garbage. I don't know where I am, where I were and where I supposed to be... But fuck! This place is completely uninhabitable... I haven't seen nobody since god knows when and I almost pretty sure I'm not going to find anyone here... Who would live in such a place? Really... This smell... Fuck! I would rather smell my own piss and my own shit than smelling this... And this bell... I just want to make it stop...

- Hi there.
- What the fuck? Who are you and what is this place?
- You know who I am... This place... You'll find it out soon.
- Do you live in here?
- Of course, what else explanation would exist for me being here?

He's right? Why the fuck should anyone be in this place if he didn't lived here...

- Then why am I here? Last time I checked, I didn't live in here... Fuck! And why is that fucking bell ringing every minute?
- You're here because you need to be here. The bell is ringing because YOU need to stay awake...

Great, all that I needed now, some weirdo with phylosophic/psychologic bullshit answers...

- Could you be more, let's say, direct?
- I don't see any riddles in here...
- You don't? Then tell me why do I have to be in here and why do I have to stay awake?
- You just do... You need to learn your secrets...
- What secrets?
- You don't really know where you are?!
- If I knew I wouldn't be asking... I think!
- Oh! You think!

Great! Now is mocking me...

- Well, this is your mind... It doesn't smell like garbage like you say... You're the one dirty and polluted...
- WHAT THE...?
- I knew you were going to react that way. Let's walk.

Fuck, this is one of those guys who doesn't know how to talk and walk at the same time... I need to get out of here and this guy, instead of giving me answers wants to go to a FRICKING WALK!!!!

- You should stop thinking like that...
- Hu?!
- Yes, you should stop thinking like that?
- How the fuck?
- Yes, I can hear your thoughts... And besides that, I'm you...
- Ok man, I don't know what the fuck have you been into to, but you're starting to scare me!
- Don't be. And we're here.
- Smells nice...

Ok, at least it doesn't smell like garbage anymore...

- Well, are you interested in what I have to say to you or do you want to get away from here?
- Where here, at least I hear what you have to say...

Made me walk and now asks me if I want to hear... What a dumbfuck...

- We're here because you need to know how to control you're mind, so that you can ascend to your full potencial or at least, to live almost at your full potencial. And once again, I'm you so don't start insulting us...
- What do you mean? Full potencial? Han?
- Reading minds, see the true colors of reality, know the past, the real present and the future, having more hability to learn. You won't control it, but you can change your course. Of course, the past is done, there ain't nothing you can ever change after it's done, but present and future is way more abstract, there are a million ways you can walk and most of the times you'll only see the more obvious, when that happens, you just have make a choice, go for what you see or try a different aproach. Learning skills doesn't mean you'll learn everything, you'll just have a greater performance, your mind you'll be more open to certain things.
- Wait, wait, wait! Are you saying that I'll be able to know my own future?
- Sort of, the future is completely abstract, everyday doors open and close it's complicated.

This is getting creepy...

- It's normal to feel that way... I'm offering you the possibility of being an almost demigod. The power has the hability to corrupt the purest mind, and you should be afraid...
- I'm not afraid, I just don't know if I believe you... You come here in this hellhole, tell that you can read my mind and that you're me, and then tell me that I can evolve into something... It is kind'a weird...
- Well, that is what I have to offer, believe it or not. For now, I'll have to leave you alone, see you later...

What the fuck?! Am I supposed to believe in all of this?! Am I supposed to stay here?! Oh, wait! Where the fuck is that weird'o?!

Deep in the Well

S.f.L.

And the days became nights... And the nights became darker... There was nothing left to do besides searching for the light...

Concert Review: Roadburn 2009

Well, it has passed more than a year since Roadburn so, things are a little hazy. Besides that, is hard for me to describe some things, had problems at the time doing it, and they're still here.





Tuesday night April 21, time to start preparing the bag, confirm trips and here is the first problem... The flight back was booked to 26th June instead of 26th April... Instead of having my last good night sleep before coming back from Holland, me and Napalmneto were up until aproximately 3 a.m. trying to solve this "little" problem... Like I wasn't already nervous enough, I had to learn the hard way why should you triple check your plain tickets when bought online...

Wednesday April 22, It was time to go, we were still a bit stressed about the plain tickets but there was nothing we could do until we reach Sá Carneiro Airport in Oporto. Train till Oporto once we arrived we waited for Amebix to show up so we could finally head to the airport. The plain ticket saga continued with Napalmneto talking for almost 20m/half an hour with some ryanair employer who was in Ireland. The result was that we ended up doing reservations for the returning flight with another company.

Two hours till we reach Belgium soil, the Brussels airport was in fact like one hour away from Brussels. To get really to brussels we had to get a bus runned by some angry guys, probably argelian/marroquin/whatever descendents, at some point I was asking myself "how the fuck are we going to get out of here?!". Fortunately, the bus leaved us right in the train station we needed to be. We met once again some fellow portuguese who were also going to Roaburn. The three of us went on a journey to find somewhere to eat and minutes lates, voilá! We find a café runned by portuguese, with portuguese beer and minis! Ended up eating and drinking, we headed back to the station were we would spend the night. After a couple of hours trying to resist sleeping some of us ended up using journey bag has a pillow and slept on the ground (especially me lol).

Thursday April 23 (Roadburn day 1), We woke up early, the phenomenons kept happening, this time, most of us woke up after some security guys started chasing a thieve, nice way to wake up ahah. Eating something, buy the train tickets to Tilburg. I have to admit, on this journey I just woke up to change train somewhere in Holland. Once we got to Tilburg, the land of the mighty riff, me and Napalmneto headed to Arjen's "hotel". Sleep a little bit. When I wake up, I meet some of the personages with whom we would share the place. Albin, Viktor, Tobias and Simon, four sweds who would start drinking has soon as they would wake up!

Half an hour walk since Arjen's place to the 013 where the fest was held on, and we where there!

Well, first speaking of the place itself, never I've been in a concert with such great conditions, 3 stages (Main Stage, Green Room and Bat Cave). All the bands I've seen add a near perfect sound.

Program for the day:
- Baroness (Main Stage)
- Orange Goblin (Main Stage)
- Amon Düül II (Main Stage)
- Zu (Green Room)
- Wolves in the Throne Room (Green Room)

We entered Ufomammut had already ended their gig and it was almost time for Baroness start playing. During the soundcheck, they started playing Iron Maiden's "The Trooper" (not that sure), that provided a sort of weird happiness, can't explain. They gave a good concert, at the time I saw in them a less "metalish" version of Mastodon. Good musicians, shitty vocals, and the concert was all around that. At the time they had only one album and two EPs, most of the setlist was taken from "Red Album". Good way to start the festival (for me).

Orange Goblin came and rocked the hell of that place! Stoner rock attitude all the way! At some point of the gig, the vocals of the band said something like "this is the best festival ever" (not in those exact words), altough it was my first time there and only being there for nearly two hours, thi came in my mind has an acquired fact. Nothing much to say about Orange Goblin, it was a great rock 'n' roll concert.

Like food was too damm expensive in the 013, we ended up having dinner at a turkish "restaraunt" near the place. After it, we headed to 013 again, Amon Düül II were already playing in the Main Stage, and this was my first disappointment of the night. I knew they were really old now, after all Phalus Dei, their first record, dates from 1969! But well, I was used to hear the woman singing really out of tune, and I didn't mind at all, it had some touch in there that I don't know how to explain, but the rest of the singers... One of them sounded like a really old man screaming for his meds...

With this said, I went on to the Green Room to see the italians Zu who, a few months earlier, had their work recognized by critics all over the world after releasing "Carboniferous" by Ipecac records (Mike Patton's label). This one was, for me, the best concert of the first day. Really noise music, samples of dogs barking, really talented musicians. There ain't much more I can ask for.

After this, time to smoke and get back in again to watch Wolves in the Throne Room. This was the band I wanted to see the most on the first day. Well, good black metal meets post-whatever concert, but I don't know if it was of me being to tired, Zu concert was still hitting me hard or if it was really Wolves that were a "down" for the day. The concert was competent but not much more than that... Probably, I just had my expectations too damm high...



The day was over for me in the concerts matters so, it was waiting for the sweds to get back to Arjen's place. But while the sweds didn't show up, a completely wasted fellow came to talk with me and Napalmneto, the thing I remember the most of what he said is "I'm a drunken Irish bastard on acids" and "I don't have anyplace to sleep, I'm going to try find Wino to see if he can infiltrate me in his hotel room". During that half an hour trip back to the "hotel", Simon was abble to take a piss on the ass of a statue, and most of the times I was watching from far to what the hell they were doing... The guys where nuts.

Friday April 24 (Roadburn day 2), This was the day when the first german guy who I saw two times during the two days got to Tilburg. The guy was almost a ghost and implacable like the sweds were, we ended up laughing a bit at his costs... Another half an hour till 013, this time through a different way, and there we were again.

Program for the day:
- Negurã Bunget (Green Room)
- Bohren Und Dre Club of Gore (Main Stage)
- Steve Von Till/Harvestman (Green Room)
- Mono (Main Stage)
- Cathedral (Main Stage)
- Saint Vitus (Main Stage)
- Scott Kelly (Green Room)

We got there and me and Napalmneto went to see Negurã Bunget, a supposed Experimental Black Metal band from Romania. Experience should have thought me that besides vampires, Romania gives the most overhyped bands in the business (God for example). Two minutes later, Napalmneto has a great idea, "To see this, I see Moonspell back in Portugal, let's see what else is playing". Bohren were playing at the Main Stage, I like them, but only after midnight. Putting Bohren palying at 4 p.m. is has a good idea has trying to make a cat and a dog breed...

After a walk to see the 013 better, it was time to see Neurosis's Steve Von Till. "Hi, I'm Steve Von Till, and this is my spaceship". Playing songs from both of his solo projects (Steve Von Till and Harvestman), this was simple one of the best concerts I've seen. Period. One guy passing out during one of the more psychadelic moments. Psychadelic, minimalistic almost drone moments followed by slaps of distortion that would make you step back! Really honest and violent concert.



After that, burning some time, a fat guy was at the entrance of the Green Room and I thought Atomic Bitchwax were playing for a full room (ended up after the end of their concert that the fat guy was there blocking the entrence just because...) so I went to an almost empty Main Stage where Mono were going to play. Usually, I don't even remember I've saw them there, typical post-rock scene, nothing much to say, apart the Amon Düül II performance, this was the worst concert of the entire 'Burn for me.

After this, went out for a cigarette when I went back to the Main Stage, the place was full has fuck! Nothing that surprised me, after all Cathedral is one of the founding bands of doom and were one of the most anticipated bands of the day. I'm not the biggest fan, but they gave a nice concert, not memorable but it was a good concert.

Well, then me, Napalmneto and Amebix we went to the turkish again, had a nice dinner, when we were just smoking a cigaratte before Saint Vitus concert starts, a Dannish guy aproached us saying he liked our concert, we started staring at each others like, what the...?. After that e basicly talked about 'shrooms, cocaine and his uncle band form Alaska!!! Once again, weirder guys come near me... AHAH!

Saint Vitus were gaving a good concert until they let their drummer do a drumm solo... Kids, if you ever see it, you'll learn that drumm solos in this ocasions and with not so good drummers, are things to avoid. The guitar player did the same thing but he played Batman's theme with overdrive on max! Fuck Yeah! Of course he used so much overdrive that it sounded more like a washing machine trying to get away... Nonetheless, good concert, like Cathedral, it wasn't memorable, but it was good.

Finally, the last concert of the day for me, Scott Kelly from Neurosis, with his acoustic solo project. I had Noah (Neurosis, Blood & Time) behind me all the time singing to. But there ain't much to say, brutally honest concert, he did everything he could do. He also was really communicative, most of the times because people don't know when to shut up but well, he didn't end up to mad about it. Even when a really drunk or high belgian guy started talking to him e just answered "where's Eugene when I need him?", making everyone laugh.



On the way back, more make you laugh your ass out situations, the number one was one of the sweds telling a guy who probably worked in a clothes store (he was with hangers with wheels) and one of the sweds just says "Are you a Taxi? I wanna ride you!"

Saturday April 25 (Roadburn day 3/Beyond the Pale), me and Napalmneto started the day with a snowball fight, that our host and conserved in the freezer. Napalm got a shot to the chest, I almost got one on the balls... We headed to downtown earlier to take care of the train tickets back to Brussels, we still had to take care of the plain tickets once we arrive their. After that, a stop at the grass company, and of we go, last the of the 'Burn that was also the first ever Beyond the Pale in Europe. For those who don't know what Beyond the Pale is, it is a festival where all the bands are invited by non other than Neurosis. Unfornately, one of the bands that was almost going was Amebix. Shitluck, hope they'll make it other time

Program for the day:
- Grails
- Earth
- Eugene Robinson
- The Young Gods
- Zeni Geva
- Neurosis
- Skullflower
- Tribes of Neurot

The concerts started with Grails, a supposely post-rock band. What can I say about them? For me they're as post-rock as Secret Chiefs 3. A lot of "western" influences and... Whatever! It's hard for me to explain how they sound, they just sound great! That's all.



There wasn't a better way to start the day, after them we went on to buy smokes, when we got back, it was time to see Earth. Three songs, they're good but I wasn't really in the mood to see them so I made my only sucessful incursion to the Bat Cave.

Eugene S. Robinson, the lead singer of Oxbow, the black guy who gives concerts with a tank top and underwear, the man who loves to fight! Spoken word show, and for what I know, there were times I was really happy for not being in front of him. He talked about how he used to got beaten when he was a kid, he talked about his love to fight and then... He talked about making other people pay their debts, Mafia Style! He ended the spoken word with only two things to say, the first one, "anyone tells this to the cops I'll just say it's a lie" (not the exact words), and the second thing was, "I'm gonna play a song with my friends, Black Sun". Great collaboration. The only thing that I missed was Eugene not being on his underwear.



Out for some air, the Eugene concert was fucking devastating. Once I got over it, Young Gods at the Main Stage. Good concert, didn't knew a thing from them. Really great concert in my opinion. Alongside the Orange Goblin concert in the first day, this was the most energetic concert there.

Saw a minute or two of Six Organs of Admittance, went for dinner, got back, OM at the Main Stage but I was more interested in Zeni Geva who would start playing a few minutes after. There are few things to describe a concert from this guys, loud as hell, distortion on the max and, like KK Null said, "Life is improvisation... Improvisation is life... C'est la vie...". Great concert, one of my favs.

Time for a quick smoke and then try to get nearest the stage possible, it was time for Neurosis, the moment I've most awaited. Sey based on "Given to the Rising", only 2 songs from "A Sun that Never Sets", other 2 from "Times of Grace" and one from "Through Silver in Blood". It was almost everything I was expecting, this guys gave a Concert. Like Scott Kelly and Steve Von Till solo concerts, very brutal and honest, and that ending was completely mindblowing! Steve and Scott on percursions, a song that we assume that they didn't play it for approximately 10 years. The completely insane freak out of Steve at the end of the concert... It still gives me shivers on my spine...





After this, my mind was completely empty! I just had my primary thoughts. So, it is normal that I entered the Skullflower gig, and couldn't be there more than five minutes.

Getting some, air and watch the final Beyond the Pale/'Burn gig. Tribes of Neurot, the alter-ego of Neurosis. The performance consisted in a more dronish approach. Even the band was more relax. There were times that I felt like I was drowning, others that I was being abducted. Really cool way to end the fest.





After that, it was time to get back to Arjen's place for the last time. This time we had a new addition to the "force", a german guy called Benedikt. If the sweds were already complete psychos, well... This guy made me fear for my life ahah. Since moking a guy that was dressed like a psychadelic chicken ("you're the more psychadelic vision of my night"), to pissing in a fountain with a couple on the other side looking... He said hi, ahah!

Sunday April 26, Me and Napalmneto woke up early, called the Pink Lady Cab (a cab company, with female drivers and pink cabs \m/), headed to the train station. On the way to Brussels, Napalmneto lost is cellphone on the train. Once we got to the central airport, we went on to take care of the plain tickets just to find out that we had to had confirmed the reservations day earlier leading to the following conversation:

Napalmneto - But you still have them?!
Brussels Airlines lady - I' going to check it.
Napalmneto - But you still have them?!
Brussels Airlines lady -Wait! I'm going to check it. We still have them and at the same price.

Once we had the tickets, there were two great frases by Napalmneto the first one, "A mulher até merecia uma garrafa de vinho!" and the second "Só há uma coisa que supera um azar à Fernando... É uma caga à Fernando!". We passed the rest of the time burning time, acording to Napalmneto, he ate the best hamburguer ever in that airport.

Once we got to Portugal I noticed that I smelled a mixture of sweat and drugs... But it was worth it. ahah!

Serene

But still awake