2010/2011

Well, well, well. It's 2011. Happy new year to everyone (this time I mean it :p). Time to look back, it's a bit ordinary but, I have to admit it, it is the best time to take a look at actions we've made during the course of this period. It's a new cycle, whether we like to admit it or not, Earth has made another "travel" around the Sun, which makes it even more natural (at least the way I see it). So, like an ordinary guy and like someone who is in hands with some free time and is in the spirit, I'm going to do it. Some (most) stupid things, others more serious, just going to free my ego (yes, this space is mostly about my fucked up ego. If you don't like it, fuck off. Seriously... I don't care) for a bit a wander a bit around it.

Can't say 2010 was a good year mainly because it wasn't. In fact 2009 already ended in some sort of a downward spiral (Started this text using the name of a Duffy song and now I'm using the name of a Nine Inch Nails album, pretty cool, ain't it? Don't answer, it's a rhetorical question) and entered 2010 in a not so good way, and what starts bad, usually ends up becoming even worse. On the other hand, I have to admit it, although some fucked up scares. My grandmother getting hospitalized three times, one of which coincided with the date my grandfather died, other ended up with surgery and last, but not least, renal failure one week after getting out of the fucking hospital of surgery. Gladly, it only scared the shit out of me and my family and "nothing more". Once again, could have been a lot worse this year.

But well, starting from the beginning. Ending 2009 having to take pills to control anxiety, making all the wrong choices, not giving up when I should had given up. Entered like a ticking time bomb in 2010. Like I believe the few ones who read this blog, know me quite well (I'm shy but at the same time an open book) and, if there are people who read this blog who don't know me, you have since April to read if you want. Spending months after months suffering from insomnias (today I'm just a bit drunk (this part explains why I writing this) and on vacations, if you're worried), wishing to be drunk, if not drunk. And I'm not saying simply drunk, I mean really completely shitfaced. If I wasn't able to do it, I would just close myself in my little and fucked up world. Luckily, I had always people looking up for me. I know it sounds lame, but I thank them everyday. Don't show it to them because I'm just a closed person, when I feel I have to isolate myself, I just do it. Can spend a lot of time without "appearing", don't ask me why, I just can.

But going on. Shit happening, not succeeding in everything which didn't include me fucking up even more my life for months. College, relationships, I couldn't even connect with my own family. Every step I'd walked, was getting me more close to all the gutters and shits I didn't believe or didn't like. Not going to throw blames at no one because, in the end (Linkin Park song), I have to be one who I blame the most. I just could have stopped when I know I should have stopped. I should have stopped instead of trying to be the fucking All Mighty Superman. But I didn't. I tried and I collapsed (Black Sun lyrics for "Paralyzer (Prison of the Cross)". Fuck! No one can stop me today with this shitty analogies!). This shit is a vicious cycle, once I realized, I was with an anxiety crises again. Had a lot of time in which nothing seemed to make sense. I felt I just had no purpose. Yeah! I know it's a bit (it's quite a lot, but fuck it) drama queen hysteria, but hey! I'm just telling thing how they've happened. Luckily at some point the rope was stretched too much and I, with help from persons who knew what they were doing and others that didn't and a bottle of Port Wine before 1p.m. (drunk courage, the best emergency exit when not facing a fire).

Eventually, I ended up spending some time in Meco seeing spanish girls showing their tits on the beach (good, very good memories(For T.: MAAN, MAMAS, MAAAN!)), started getting wasted because it just happened and not because I needed to or otherwise I wouldn't just sleep. Things started to look a bit brighter. Found (again) some new additions, the one that is more at sight is soccer. João Moutinho transfer for Sporting C.P. to F.C.Porto played a big part of it (being able to see almost every Barcelona and Premier League game helped to). Things started changing. Once again, things got brighter.

When college started again, I was a bit afraid of feeling misplaced like I was before but, found out it was quite the opposite. Funny how one problem can affect you some many ways when you just don't want to deal with it the way you know you should. In fact, although I find myself forced to not spend time in some things I want to spend, for the first time in three years I feel like that is my place (Yeah, fucking lame. Don't like it, fuck off.)

And now, like I can't see to write about "happy" things in a way I can feel proud of it (that's why I don't really write in months), just some "stupid" (or not) Highlights and Downlows of 2010 and some expectations for 2011 (warnig this is where most of the stupidity enters, feel free to not read this part)

Highlights:
Sports:
Barça winning La Liga with a record 99 points. Barça winning 5-0 against Real Madrid (and destroying almost any team which is put in front of them). San Antonio Spurs, Chicago Bulls and Dallas Mavericks having their best season starts on NBA (Yeas, I watch NBA to. I'm becoming a bit of a sports nerd. Sorry.) in ages. Manchester United reaching the end of 2010 with only one defeat (for the League cup) and almost becoming the first team ever to end the Champions League group phase without suffering a goal (suffered one, in the last game against Valência). Spain winning the World Cup (probably the only Portuguese glad for a Spanish victory). They were the best and, I descend from Spanish, so fuck you, if you don't like it.

Music:
Gigs:
Simbiose @ Moita Metalfest (any gig that gives me a body breakdown is worth mentioning!!);Utopium @ Kylakankra (or whatever the name of that shithole was!); Celeste @ SWR; Taint @ SWR; Zeni Geva @ SWR; Converge @ Revolver Bar.

CDs (2010/Pre-2010):
Melissa Auf Der Maur – “Out of our Minds”; Utopium – “Conceptive Prescience”, QoTSA and Mesa Discography, Kate Bush – “Lionheart”, “Hounds of Love” & “Never for Ever” and Nine Inch Nails – “Year Zero”, Florence and the Machine - "Lungs".

Life:
First Tattoo and the rest I've already mentioned it.

Movies (2010/Pre-2010):
Inception (to be honest, didn’t saw much from this year.);Fight Club;Gran Torino.

Downlows:
Sports:
Chelsea winning the Premier League. Benfica winning the Portuguese League. Sporting completely digging it's own grave. L.A. Lakers winning the NBA (if Lakers win again, Kobe equals Michael Jordan's mark (6 times champions)). Sporting's new manager sucks and is a sort of bullfighter.

For 2011:
There is a lot of thing I hope for. Most of them are probably impossible. So I just wish you all a good 2011.

First song of the year:


Now I'm going to smoke a bit more, and try to finish a 60 year old champagne bottle.