Constant Blackout: abril 2010

sexta-feira, 30 de abril de 2010

Bridges

"Let me speak free from scorn
Stars like weeds grow unshorn
They lie austre and vain
Crows show our way home

Night was rain, a falling sea
A rusted dawn strains to be
Stones steam and snag the mists that rise
From the low sun, a solemn glow
O lustrous glow, the sun is low

You''''''''''''''''ve started a fire, you''''''''''''''''ve started a fire, you''''''''''''''''ve started a fire you can''''''''''''''''t put out
You''''''''''''''''ve burned your bridges, can''''''''''''''''t go back from where you came
Vision is failing, just writhe and burn out of control
No use pretending, slither back into your hole

You''''''''''''''''ll drag your house down, when truth comes calling at your door
Stare through the misty wonder, the life of men''''''''''''''''s souls
Your cup is empty and you are running out of time
Caving your head in, don''''''''''''''''t dare to dream it will implode"

terça-feira, 27 de abril de 2010

XIII SWR Metalfest

This thursday (day 0) starts the 13th edition of SWR Metalfest. In my opinion, this fest has the best billboard of the last few years in what concerns to metal festivals in Portugal.

:: SWR BARROSELAS METALFEST XIII ::
30 april > 02 may 2010 - barroselas, PORTUGAL

segunda-feira, 26 de abril de 2010

There's a War coming down...

...And I'm just trying to grab all the weapons I can... This bitch has to die fast!

sábado, 24 de abril de 2010

Oxbow - Serenade in Red

I took advantage of the fact Eugene Robinson is going to do is solo debut on portuguese soil (still don't know if I'll be abble to go but it's a start) to start listening to Oxbow again, this time trying to get passed "Fuckfest" and "The Narcotic Story". Started with this "Serenade in Red". If you like noise rock with some jazzy vibes, Oxbow is the band for you and this album is completely one of the good exemples of that. Altough I'm a fan, I'm not that person who knows everything about them and has listened to all of their records.

Now it's time to wait, and I hope to be abble to see Eugene doing a spoken word again (And that this time with him on his underwear (fucking great tradmark) and beating someone ahah).

quinta-feira, 22 de abril de 2010

Rainy Days

I miss those rainy days on which the only melancholy was provided by the weather itself... Now... Now, everytime it rains, comes a lot of other things... Problems, after problems, after problems... I'm starting to prey for the sun to shine...

Unexistence of Light

I've yearned for your coming... Now I'm yearning for you to go... You're like a black hole... You won't be happy until you've sucked all the essence of everything that is around you...

terça-feira, 20 de abril de 2010

3 Day Madness

This was written while I was on my way or already in Faro. 3 days out of here ("3 Day Madness" lol).

15th April 2010, 10h20 am

"I will live forever..."

I'm on the train heading to Faro to get my armed tattooed. Last night was a weird night and I'm still with some mixed emotions. But I'm going to talk about the gigs first.

The Gigs

For Godly Sorrow was the first band playing, the best word to describe their gig is CrabFuckingCore! AhAh. They are not bad musicians, but they are scene kids! "Lets wear our caps and look like tough guys". Didn't really care about their performance

Utopium was the reason for me attending this gig. Once again, they proved why I say they are one of the great promises of the portuguese Grindcore. We were presented with great noisy power violent grindcore! This time there was some movement in the crowd, and I'm glad for that. They deserve people showing up some "violence" at their concerts

Ended up not seeing As They Burn and Despised Icon

Things Go Wrong

After this was when the night started to go wrong. Parcial truths and vultures/leeches are two things that only by theirselfs have the hability of making me get pissed off, combined together, you can imagine the result. It wasn't pleasent for me to discover some things by persons that should not have any meaning in my life (again!). On the other way, I would like to know the everything but this shit openned some already almost healed bruises. For some moments, the only thing I saw was black. There are a lot of people that need to learn the value of honesty... I'm getting a bit damm fucking tired of bullshit! It ain't cool to doubt yourself when you're trying to be part of the solution and not part of the problem... But well, this must be what the flock has to do to make you join them when you simply want to see them getting devoured by some very, very angry wolves. For now, there are a lot of empty spaces in my mind and I don't know who the fuck should I trust... In this field, there are some things that are very blurry and that ain't good...

The Tattoo Meaning

Talking of something cool. I'm really excited about tomorrow! I'm getting my first tattoo. It will be my way to pay tribute to my grandfather, my grandmother, my parents, my brother and all of those who have been, are and will be by my side. The other part is for myself. All the paths lead you to same destination. But you must choose your path, no one takes the same path as other person, at least not for your whole life. You can choose the way that you "mark" your path and by consequence, your life. It is also a reminder that I can be a true motherfucker ("Soul knows that I'm capable of evil!")

The Trip

A not so cool thing is that I'm going to Faro for the third time, and for the third it's rainning... Just have to get used to it.

Well, I'm going to enjoy my trip now and like I'm listening to Today Is the Day's "Sadness Will Prevail" there is a risk of my mind block, I will stop writting for now.

"Alone"

16th April 2010, 02h43 am

'T' was a good day, I slept a bit on the train wich made the trip smoother.

Peace in chaotic moments

When I arrived to Faro, I started to feel glad, I've missed Nuno and Marta and it was cool to have the gang back together. Though the violence provided by the weather, it is pretty peacefull downhere, I'm actually afraid of disturbing it. I was really needing to get the fuck out of my hostility zone... Now that I had some time to rest, even if it wasn't that much, I see how fucked up and violent things are at the time. I know that I'm surrounded by vultures, I have my friends but the vultures will still be there and they are my business. Luckely (or not), I'm starting to feel like a growling wolf. I'm still not strong enough to not get hurt, but hey! I think I'm strong enough to hurt some patetic piece of shit!

New Persons

But lets talk about other things, I'm starting to get a bit tired of talking about those who shouldn't even exist. I've met some people today, a nice person, something that is very rare, at least for me... Simple and pure persons are rare but today, I've "found" someone like that. It's in times like these that you learn to give value to these persons.

I'm going to it the sac now, I have a long day ahead and I'm a bit tired so goodbye for now

"Come apart together, come together alone"

17th April 2010, 01h37 am

The Tattoo

My tattoo is done. finally! Jelle (my tattoo artist) has done a great job! We had time to talk, mostly about music but also about piercings, other tattoos and tattoo artists. The tattoo was done at the sound of Machine Head's "The Blackning", Downset's "Do We Speak a Dead Language" and Mudvayne's "Lost and Found", not my favorite things but it's nice to hear some bands I didn't hear for a long time. He is a great artist, very humble. The sensation was wicked, it was like my skin was getting burned but it didn't really hurt, but it was cool when the needles hit the bones and the most sensitive part of the muscles. I hope this marks a beginning for a new cycle.

Insomnias/Weird Thoughts

Last night I had a little relapse, aligned with the anxiety I felt was enough to make my night yet another episode of my somewhat insomnias.

But well, today I had the oportunite to talk with T. and there are some ideas in my mind that are starting to gain a lot of shape, at this time I don't know if I want to see what's there to come. I know what is there may well fuck me in a pretty vicious way... Marta says I'm being pretty dumb on continuing trying to find out those things and I'm starting to question myself (in a good way) if I'm doing the right things... Well, don't mind not sleeping much for it, at least this ain't a big pile of crap.

Nonetheless, this was a good day, hope all of this wasn't just a big waste of time

This is my last entry of this three day journey, I'll be heading home in the morning. I'm going to smoke, lie down and see if I can at least rest. See y'a.

domingo, 18 de abril de 2010

Shit is raining down from the skies

Hi there. Utopium gave a great gig last wednesday, got my tattoo last friday. I'll talk about that some day this week.

Now, shit is raining from the skies indeed. During a period of time, the worst persons that could be around me, surrounded me and I didn't even noticed. This brought a lot of consequences, the most important of all is that I don't know were turn to. There are a lot of times that I think I should be like everyone in the "flock", be a shitty guy, not caring about anyone but myself, live my life in a drink, eat, sleep and fuck way.

"All the animals come out at night - whores, skunk pussies, buggers, queens, fairies, dopers, junkies, sick, venal. Someday a real rain will come and wash all this scum off the streets."

Robert DeNiro as Travis Bickle (Taxi Driver)

I'm waiting for this rain since I first saw Taxi Driver. There are days that I feel the need to throw up, scream and fight. Imagine some time in your life, that is all you think about. You don't care about eating, you don't care about drinking, you don't care about love, you don't care about fucking... You just want to break everything at your sight and what's not on your sight, is on your mind...

"I think someone should just take this city and just... just flush it down the fuckin' toilet. "

Robert DeNiro as Travis Bickle (Taxi Driver)

This is what we need! Someone with real cojones just to kill the cancer wich is infecting our streets! We need someone who knows the true meaning of honesty, loyalty and truth instead of some demented fucks who only care about ruining everything that stands next to them. I'm not asking for another holocaust, I'm asking for justice! Don't care if it's white, black, indian, chinese, and so on. As I also don't care if it is against skinheads, redskins, anarchists, liberal or other policy. I just want the truth to be spread!

segunda-feira, 12 de abril de 2010

Gigs and such

This is going to be my next gig. Will be there more for Utopium than Despised Icon. Although I am curious to see Despised, Utopium has proved to me that even when things go wrong, they show how to get things done.

Despised Icon - http://www.myspace.com/despisedicon
As They Burn - http://www.myspace.com/astheyburn
Utopium - http://www.myspace.com/utopiumgrind
For Godly Sorrow - http://www.myspace.com/forgodlysorrow

On other notes, after last year having bands like Corrupted, Thorr's Hammer, Skullflower, Scorn, Jarboe, Iron Lung, Earthless, Zu, Master Musicians of Bukkake and a lot of other great bands. This year they've already confirmed Swans as the headliners. If they could put Godflesh headlining one of the other 2 days, this year Supersonic festival would give a wild beating on Roadburn Fest (and Roadburn Festival is with a great billboard). Let us see what comes out of this fest.

Swans - http://www.myspace.com/swansaredead
Supersonic Festival - http://www.myspace.com/supersonicfestival

sábado, 10 de abril de 2010

4/6,66

Well (I really need to get a new way of beginning my posts), I'm back home, Iria proved not to be a pussy even if it was just for half an hour (lol). But, once again, my "night out" was passed almost alone. But hey, a guy has got to do what a guy has got to do. Went to Vinicola, a bar wich used to be like the Meca to all Metalheads, goths, misfits and all that kind of persons, now is a bar wich I can drink my beer alone without all the mess and all the people surrounding me, at least at these hours. It is a bit awkward to be alone in a not crowded street, although I'm used to be by myself most of the times, usually, I'm surrounded by all diferent types of persons. But really, what I need know is a place like these one... Few people, almost "depressive" (can't remember of other word)...

Now, it's for real, see you guys

sexta-feira, 9 de abril de 2010

Welcome to the Land of Dream and Future

Well, while I'm waiting for a friend to tell if he is going out tonight, let me "show" you my land.

Barreiro, a city on the south shore of the River Tejo, that some years ago adopted the slogan "Land of Dream and Future". Very fancy slogan indeed, but this ain't that true. Barreiro was an industrial city until almost the end of last century after that, it has become a land full of scum like many others. We have almost everything, skinheads, wh'iggers, niggers, gipsys, junkies... We just need the fucked up brazilians and the mafia from east europe... Hell Yeah! Great land to fufill your dreams! Near my house, lately there are cafés being mugged almost every week, windows and glass doors shattered, fights between guys who think they're alpha males but are nothing more the leeches of society. No, not everything is bad, but I'm a pretty pessimist guy so I'll just talk about this. A few years back, when I was very naive, I thought so many times to myself, "someday, the skinheads and the niggers/junkies will have to fight and that will be fun to watch"... That never happened, at least until today, not that nowadays would entertain me but, it would be cool to see some scum blood.

Little post, don't have much more to say besides my friend is a fag, said he was too tired... I slept two hours today and I'm pretty much ok... Lol

See you

quarta-feira, 7 de abril de 2010

Cold skin, fried brain

There are days that I just want to rip my heart with my hands just to stop feeling. But I got to move, I got to walk, a little sleep and I'm back...

terça-feira, 6 de abril de 2010

Somewhat life

Gonna talk about my last few months. First of all, I'm used to be disappointed with other people, don't like it, it still fucks my mind, but I'm used to it... Too many bad choices in the friends department in the past made me realize that at sometime, most of my so called friends are going to prove themselfs as something I don't want by my side... Point number two, I usually "suffer" in silence, with myself and by myself, most of this months weren't any different, most people only realized it when I was almost blowing up in ashes... Point number three, I don't think self destruction is a good way, but it's a way. Another point, this will have some kind of chronolagy but I'm going to try not to tell the things bit by bit, that is not my intention, don't want to be boring and I rather that this would be more somewhat focussed on the feelings than in what happened...

Getting forward, a few months back I started to see everything stopping... My life, my relationships, my future, my present, everything. I screwed up a lot of thinks in a not so distant past, and was trying not to do the same thing again, and again, and again, and again... But now, I think, most of the things I've done to put myself on the right track again were done the wrong way or I didn't fight hard enough for it... But seeing myself failing in almost everything time after time made me start not believing in myself, in my capacities and in almost everything that surrounded me. In one side, this was really dificult for me to lose the little few faith I had left in well... Almost everyone basically. On the other hand, it ain't easy openning your eyes to a so shitty reality and that my friends, is has true as my existence. Started seeing that the purity of most people is long gone, it's easier to try to fuck someone and everything in that someone's life than to try evolving, becoming more than a simple vulture waiting for some piece of meat to fall to ground.

Our society is filled by a) sharks, waiting for you to get hurt so they can attack you in a vile way and b) vultures and leeches, waiting the sharks have finnished their business and hoping that they've left some meat left for them. This realization wasn't easy, expecially when they're getting near you and you don't know how the fuck they entered in your life. Like that wasn't stopping, I started to avoid every place I could avoid (concerts and night outs during aproximatly half-year were almost banned from my system). I entered a void of isolation of wich I've just came out little time ago. Isolation is cool, you start to lose touch with everyone that means something to you, it's like burning a house just because you don't like the kitchen... There were few who still remained, one of wich brought me a big desilusion. During the time of desilusion and realization, I quitet the isolation and passed to self destruction. I was in a rampage against myself, I wanted to destroy every bridge that I had created just to start everything again. Some of the bridges refused to fall down, some people refused to let me kill myself in order to kill the cancer. Altough, I had always someone who I could run for, but there were three things that made try and fix it by myself. One, I was and still am to damm proud. Two, my mind was numb because of all I had to pass. Three, I felt like I had gave myself to hatred and loneliness and just wanted to fuck everything in my eye and mind site.

When realization came, I finally opened my eyes for good. Started noticing that the vultures will always be flying around me, noticed that I'm a predator (wounded but still a predator), I was made to kill not to be feed to a pack of low-lifes. And here starts a new journey, my journey now, the numbess of the mind had stopped, the ranging self attacks started to be less intense and I started to focus myself to myself. The attacks were more planned and made in a more straight direction, everything cracks, you just have to know the easiest spot to make it crack. Most of the things I still haven't figured it out. But for now, I'm happy just for having myself back.

Thanks to all of those who helped me and sorry by the rambling

segunda-feira, 5 de abril de 2010

I miss Roadburn

Well, that was the most violent moment of last year's Roadburn... Fuck, that was a great festival. Good music, fucked up people, fucked up journey... Hope I can go there again next year, like I'll have to miss this year fest

domingo, 4 de abril de 2010

Concert Review: Titadine + Utopium + Carlos Crust + Steven Seagal + Sam Alone + Fucked by Thieves @ Kyläkancra, Setúbal

Well, I almost didn't make it to this concert but ended up getting a ride by the guys from Utopium (Thanks, once again, if any of you reads this, I'll say this again, you guys ROCK!). To the place of the gig (an occupied house), went with the "owners" of the place (Sabonete and Mosca, I think). As soon as I started to see were the gig was going to be, I started laughing to myself, never I had been to a trashiest place like that, it was almost as being home lol.

We've got there, if I'm not mistaken, approximated at 8 pm. Started drinking, eventualy the organization served dinner. Like the gigs weren't starting we headed outside, where a pitbull maniac for football made sure we played with her (and she made sure someone would give her attention even during the gigs, ahah).

11 pm, two hours later than what it was supposed, Fucked by Thieves started playing. This was a one man and his acoustic guitar show. Probably, the most boring moment of the night. This guy would be blah, blah, blah for centuries if he could. Talking about being vegan and straight edge, of his supposed community and other things that I don't really know if I want to remember... Everyone is entitled to his beliefs but this guy almost said, if you're not vegan I am not your friend... And like I didn't liked his music either... You can figure out the rest of his performance...

After that, came Sam Alone. The drift was the same but this guy had a little notion of the place where he was and a less arrogant atitude (looked kind'a nice, in fact). Although I'm not a fan of almost everything he played (Johnny Cash cover was nice, Little Mermaid song was like the lol of the night), I actually enjoyed it.

Then it was time for Steven Seagal. I had a cool impression of them from what I had heard at their myspace, looked like some old school punk/hardcore, but live... It's all the same, at the third song I was already thinking they were on a loop. The band sounded more like a Screamo band and the vocalist looked like he was always screaming the same thing... They were still playing when I headed outside to help unpack the stuff to the Utopium gig.

All stuff ready to start but Mosca (I think), asked if he and his new band (Carlos Crust), could play before Utopium and that's what happened. Nothing much to talk about, Crust Punk like it should be. Dirty, fast, bad played and with a lot of feeling. First really good concert of the night.

After that, it was time to watch Utopium. I had missed their last gig in Braga so, it was the first time in aproximatly half-year that I've saw them. On the stage, they say the concert went bad, but out of the stage... Fuck! They are getting bigger and bigger, crushing sound, Rizzo is The Frontman! He looked somewhat like a preacher of pain. Fast music, slow music, noisy music, feedback, we had the whole package.

Didn't saw Titadine, I was tired and my curiosity to watch them was almost 0.

With this I say goodbye for now

Taxi Driver

For those who don't know Taxi Driver, Taxi Driver is a Martin Scorsese movie released in 1976. I've seen this movie like a gasilion times, it is in fact my favorite movie ever. Why is that? Well, let's just say, I tend to feel like Travis Bickle (The main character performed by a young Robert DeNiro) a lot of times (Fortunately, I still haven't grab a pack of guns a tried to shoot pimps, although that is what they deserve).

Well, moving to the juice (not O.J. Simpson), like I said early, Robert DeNiro plays Travis Bickle, a guy who walked all around New York trying to fix is insomnias until he decides to start working as a taxi driver (now you know where the name came from, hurray!!!). He drives through all the places in town and sees a lot of shit ("somedays I have to clean the blood and the cum from the back sit" or something like that). As that wasn't enough, he's an eternal misfit (if that rings a bell to you and you haven't seen this movie yet, go see it, just don't grab any kind gun after it), always trying to some how, fit in to society. And the story moves along all of this, and like I don't want to wreck the movie for all those who haven't seen this and like I'm a shitty writer I'm just going to leave some scenes (this is ok, you won't figure out anything by this) and leave for now.

And that's enough

4 Years

First of all, hi there future followers/readers or something else, hope you'll enjoy reading whatever the fuck I have to write/post/whatever... Not gonna start with a description of what I'm going to write about along the way 'cause neither I know what I'm going to do with it and how the hell this is going to workout (not really worried about that either). I'm not going to introduce myself because, well... I don't want to do it, at least for now. Moving along...

No, I didn't want to start with a somewhat emocional post, but hey! This was about to happen...

It as been 4 years since my grandfather's departure, one of the greatest responsibles for my education. He was, and still is my favorite person in the world and I miss him every frickin' day... Most of this 4 years were spent trying to shove all of my pain regarding this fact deep down inside, trying not to care about it or trying to find reasons to not even think about this... Unfortunately, this wasn't the answer, and when I realized it... BANG! Like a fuckin' punch in the stomach, pain came... And the bitch came like a mother fucking train... Now, everytime I'm starting to feel down, he is one, if not the one and only person who comes to my mind... Today marks 4 years since he was buried... In one hand, it seemes like it was yesterday on the other, since that day, I feel like I've grown older like I never thought to grow...

Wherever you are, you're my sun that never sets...

Testing

Testing, testing! 1, 2, 3, Testing!

30 day song challenge

day 01 - your favorite song
day 02 - your least favorite song
day 03 - a song that makes you happy
day 04 - a song that makes you sad
day 05 - a song that reminds you of someone
day 06 - a song that reminds you of somewhere
day 07 - a song that reminds you of a certain event
day 08 - a song that you know all the words to
day 09 - a song that you can dance to
day 10 - a song that makes you fall asleep
day 11 - a song from your favorite band
day 12 - a song from a band you hate
day 13 - a song that is a guilty pleasure
day 14 - a song that no one would expect you to love
day 15 - a song that describes you
day 16 - a song that you used to love but now hate
day 17 - a song that you hear often on the radio
day 18 - a song that you wish you heard on the radio
day 19 - a song from your favorite album
day 20 - a song that you listen to when you’re angry
day 21 - a song that you listen to when you’re happy
day 22 - a song that you listen to when you’re sad
day 23 - a song that you want to play at your wedding
day 24 - a song that you want to play at your funeral
day 25 - a song that makes you laugh
day 26 - a song that you can play on an instrument
day 27 - a song that you wish you could play
day 28 - a song that makes you feel guilty
day 29 - a song from your childhood
day 30 - your favorite song at this time last year

Constant Blackout