15th April 2010, 10h20 am
"I will live forever..."
I'm on the train heading to Faro to get my armed tattooed. Last night was a weird night and I'm still with some mixed emotions. But I'm going to talk about the gigs first.
The Gigs
For Godly Sorrow was the first band playing, the best word to describe their gig is CrabFuckingCore! AhAh. They are not bad musicians, but they are scene kids! "Lets wear our caps and look like tough guys". Didn't really care about their performance
Utopium was the reason for me attending this gig. Once again, they proved why I say they are one of the great promises of the portuguese Grindcore. We were presented with great noisy power violent grindcore! This time there was some movement in the crowd, and I'm glad for that. They deserve people showing up some "violence" at their concerts
Ended up not seeing As They Burn and Despised Icon
Things Go Wrong
After this was when the night started to go wrong. Parcial truths and vultures/leeches are two things that only by theirselfs have the hability of making me get pissed off, combined together, you can imagine the result. It wasn't pleasent for me to discover some things by persons that should not have any meaning in my life (again!). On the other way, I would like to know the everything but this shit openned some already almost healed bruises. For some moments, the only thing I saw was black. There are a lot of people that need to learn the value of honesty... I'm getting a bit damm fucking tired of bullshit! It ain't cool to doubt yourself when you're trying to be part of the solution and not part of the problem... But well, this must be what the flock has to do to make you join them when you simply want to see them getting devoured by some very, very angry wolves. For now, there are a lot of empty spaces in my mind and I don't know who the fuck should I trust... In this field, there are some things that are very blurry and that ain't good...
The Tattoo Meaning
Talking of something cool. I'm really excited about tomorrow! I'm getting my first tattoo. It will be my way to pay tribute to my grandfather, my grandmother, my parents, my brother and all of those who have been, are and will be by my side. The other part is for myself. All the paths lead you to same destination. But you must choose your path, no one takes the same path as other person, at least not for your whole life. You can choose the way that you "mark" your path and by consequence, your life. It is also a reminder that I can be a true motherfucker ("Soul knows that I'm capable of evil!")
The Trip
A not so cool thing is that I'm going to Faro for the third time, and for the third it's rainning... Just have to get used to it.
Well, I'm going to enjoy my trip now and like I'm listening to Today Is the Day's "Sadness Will Prevail" there is a risk of my mind block, I will stop writting for now.
"Alone"
16th April 2010, 02h43 am
'T' was a good day, I slept a bit on the train wich made the trip smoother.
When I arrived to Faro, I started to feel glad, I've missed Nuno and Marta and it was cool to have the gang back together. Though the violence provided by the weather, it is pretty peacefull downhere, I'm actually afraid of disturbing it. I was really needing to get the fuck out of my hostility zone... Now that I had some time to rest, even if it wasn't that much, I see how fucked up and violent things are at the time. I know that I'm surrounded by vultures, I have my friends but the vultures will still be there and they are my business. Luckely (or not), I'm starting to feel like a growling wolf. I'm still not strong enough to not get hurt, but hey! I think I'm strong enough to hurt some patetic piece of shit!
But lets talk about other things, I'm starting to get a bit tired of talking about those who shouldn't even exist. I've met some people today, a nice person, something that is very rare, at least for me... Simple and pure persons are rare but today, I've "found" someone like that. It's in times like these that you learn to give value to these persons.
I'm going to it the sac now, I have a long day ahead and I'm a bit tired so goodbye for now
My tattoo is done. finally! Jelle (my tattoo artist) has done a great job! We had time to talk, mostly about music but also about piercings, other tattoos and tattoo artists. The tattoo was done at the sound of Machine Head's "The Blackning", Downset's "Do We Speak a Dead Language" and Mudvayne's "Lost and Found", not my favorite things but it's nice to hear some bands I didn't hear for a long time. He is a great artist, very humble. The sensation was wicked, it was like my skin was getting burned but it didn't really hurt, but it was cool when the needles hit the bones and the most sensitive part of the muscles. I hope this marks a beginning for a new cycle.
Last night I had a little relapse, aligned with the anxiety I felt was enough to make my night yet another episode of my somewhat insomnias.
But well, today I had the oportunite to talk with T. and there are some ideas in my mind that are starting to gain a lot of shape, at this time I don't know if I want to see what's there to come. I know what is there may well fuck me in a pretty vicious way... Marta says I'm being pretty dumb on continuing trying to find out those things and I'm starting to question myself (in a good way) if I'm doing the right things... Well, don't mind not sleeping much for it, at least this ain't a big pile of crap.
Nonetheless, this was a good day, hope all of this wasn't just a big waste of time
This is my last entry of this three day journey, I'll be heading home in the morning. I'm going to smoke, lie down and see if I can at least rest. See y'a.
Peace in chaotic moments
When I arrived to Faro, I started to feel glad, I've missed Nuno and Marta and it was cool to have the gang back together. Though the violence provided by the weather, it is pretty peacefull downhere, I'm actually afraid of disturbing it. I was really needing to get the fuck out of my hostility zone... Now that I had some time to rest, even if it wasn't that much, I see how fucked up and violent things are at the time. I know that I'm surrounded by vultures, I have my friends but the vultures will still be there and they are my business. Luckely (or not), I'm starting to feel like a growling wolf. I'm still not strong enough to not get hurt, but hey! I think I'm strong enough to hurt some patetic piece of shit!
New Persons
But lets talk about other things, I'm starting to get a bit tired of talking about those who shouldn't even exist. I've met some people today, a nice person, something that is very rare, at least for me... Simple and pure persons are rare but today, I've "found" someone like that. It's in times like these that you learn to give value to these persons.
I'm going to it the sac now, I have a long day ahead and I'm a bit tired so goodbye for now
"Come apart together, come together alone"
17th April 2010, 01h37 am
The Tattoo
My tattoo is done. finally! Jelle (my tattoo artist) has done a great job! We had time to talk, mostly about music but also about piercings, other tattoos and tattoo artists. The tattoo was done at the sound of Machine Head's "The Blackning", Downset's "Do We Speak a Dead Language" and Mudvayne's "Lost and Found", not my favorite things but it's nice to hear some bands I didn't hear for a long time. He is a great artist, very humble. The sensation was wicked, it was like my skin was getting burned but it didn't really hurt, but it was cool when the needles hit the bones and the most sensitive part of the muscles. I hope this marks a beginning for a new cycle.
Insomnias/Weird Thoughts
Last night I had a little relapse, aligned with the anxiety I felt was enough to make my night yet another episode of my somewhat insomnias.
But well, today I had the oportunite to talk with T. and there are some ideas in my mind that are starting to gain a lot of shape, at this time I don't know if I want to see what's there to come. I know what is there may well fuck me in a pretty vicious way... Marta says I'm being pretty dumb on continuing trying to find out those things and I'm starting to question myself (in a good way) if I'm doing the right things... Well, don't mind not sleeping much for it, at least this ain't a big pile of crap.
Nonetheless, this was a good day, hope all of this wasn't just a big waste of time
This is my last entry of this three day journey, I'll be heading home in the morning. I'm going to smoke, lie down and see if I can at least rest. See y'a.
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