13/12/11

There are days in which I feel like I'm doing everything to much. I feel like I'm messing everything up just for doing what I think I'm supposed to do. The sun could shine in all its bright colours at day and the stars could just lay there perfectly at night, but still I feel like I have something turning and twisting my mind and I feel like I'm doing everything wrong. There is this feeling grabbing and the pulling me down. I get bitter and the delusional me starts making his way in. I get scared because the mask doesn't fit in anymore and I feel that everyone can see, hear or do anything to me, and I don't want to change this way anymore.

17/11/2011

Tired, too much dreams haunting me at night. Few nights without a proper sleep and already like this. I'm growing softer. Probably being a bit melo, but I'm just feeling a bit paranoid and afraid that I'm doing a lot of stuff for nothing. Too much dreams, too much confusion. Need to stop stressing myself. Need to accept peace. But I somewhat can't stand it and, at the same time... Fuck! I just don't know. There is something wrong with me. I'm angry at nothing.

06/11/11 05h59 a.m.

Tried to write something. Nothing of what I wrote seemed right. Not in the mood to put a mask on and write something untrue.

Goodbye.

23/10/2011

So you've made it through another night... Can't say I'm not proud of you. Still, I can't say I'm proud of you either. Yes, you think the all universe is trying to fuck you and you took it. Once again. That is the one part that, can still get me fucked up with you... You're still that egocentric S.o.B.. But, this time, you were able to, at least, fake something. A smile, a feeling. You didn't fake it to the poingt that no one could figure out that was going on inside your head. You had to talkabout it, you're still that dependent. But, at least, you could fake aq smile. At least, that is what you say and what you think... Either way, I think you're improving... Sincerely, you know I don't like you. You're soft and you're emeotional. You're not cold enough to be trustworthy to persons like me. But, at the same time, you're that guy that keeps on repeating "it is just a ride" trying to not give a fuck about what goes wrong around him.

I sincerely don't know what to think of you as for tonight. I just don't know. Hope you join the "army" and that we'll become one once again and, at the same time, hope that I keep in my corner and you'll keep on yours.

Sincerely, Destructioner Extraordinaire to Sea B.

Move along, there ain't nothing here for you

Not on my days. Tired has fuck. The patience to handle somethings is running out and I think my time in some places is reaching its end. Respect means a lot to me and there are just a few who can try to cross the line. Lately, I've been feeling like there are some moroons who think they're above everyone and everything. That worked well with me untill teh day they've brought that shit to me... I can't seem find spirit to continue with this for much more.

Maybe this days must end. Maybe I'm just needing to really stop for a moment. Or maybe I'm just that fucked up.

Quick thought

Being better than someone ain't that hard. Actually, it takes no effort at all. I'm better because some people are just stupid enough to let things be that way. Others simply don't have the inner debt to understand how patetic they are. Either way, thank you all.

How to succeed in life 101

Put on your fakest smile and live with with.

30 day song challenge - Day Eight

Day 08 - a song that you know all the words to

First of all, I think this is the first song I post on this which ain't from the 00's. Now, for something that's supposed to matter, was addicted to this song by this time last year. Not quite sure now, but I think I posted it here.

Yes, I'm writting just because.

Don't really writte for some time now. Been a bit down on the writting for some time so, instead of boring you with the same old story and thoughts that, in fact, are simple, seem way more complex due to my wonderfull writting. But will stop this now.

Country is turned to apeshit. No prime minister, finances are apeshit. But not gonna talk much about it. Promised myself wouldn't turn this into a political blog I kind'a like politics but always liked more the so called revolutionaries, they have all the excuses in the world to be drugged or wasted. But still, this hole is completely fucked up. Every politican is throwing their own fault to the next one in line. This shit is being runned by self proclaimed angels and super heroes who are constantly faced by their kryptonite.

30 day song challenge - Day Seven

Day 07 - a song that reminds you of a certain event

Reminds me of the most hallucinated trip that I've been in. 2009's Roadburn Festival. Spent big part of the trip 'till Holland with this tune on my mind. That of course, when I wasn't about to have an attack because I didn't knew how the fuck would I return home. But of course, this makes me remember the four insane swedes who told me I could talk to almost any swed' cause I knew how to say the word "Helvete".

30 day song challenge - Day Six

day 06 - a song that reminds you of somewhere

It reminds me about Scotland, which doesn't stop being a bit strange since I didn't knew this guys back in 2007. Altough I'm not a big post-rock fan anymore, this still sounds me as pure, as it did back when I found about them, most like Scotland.

30 day song challenge - Day Five

Day 05 - a song that reminds you of someone

It reminds me of the of my brother and my sister-in-law. They thought to wait, and incentivated me to fight.

30 day song challenge - Day Four

day 04 - a song that makes you sad

It all makes sense...

Hit that suck'a hard

I'll be the one left with scars...

You'll be the one left with burned hands and a melted face...

30 day song challenge - Day Three

Day 03 - a song that makes you happy

Already posted this song twice before, but couldn't think of a better one for this. Perfect chill/flirt song. Plus, this version (the original one), has not only Josh Homme (for me, the greatest rock "genius", alongside with Mike Patton, from the lastest decades (Yeah, is better than you Cobain)) and PJ Harvey, who is just probably the greatest alternative rock woman from the 90's.

30 day song challenge - Day Two

Day 02 - your least favorite song

Probably there are some songs worst than this one, but this song has the ability to piss me off. This alternative rock pop crappy movement pisses me off... This particular "movement" is just to damn sly...

30 day song challenge

Been seeing some people doing this, like it sounds interesting and I've been bored to my ass, I will give it a shot, if at the middle of the 30 days I stop doing this, it's because I've stopped being bored... (Yeah right.)

Day one - Your favorite song

This should be hard, but, the fact is that this song helped me a lot (!!!) and I have a major fanboyism for Neurosis. It was a bit of hearing the right lyrics, the right chords at the right time. It probably could have happened the same thing with other song, but it didn't. And there ain't much more to say.

This is becoming a bit of an animal kingdom

Lets start again

----

Reactionism

Well, in the last days, there are a lot of people embracing their inner revolutionary self. To those who want to go forth with that feeling (if there is anyone), here are two incentives.

First, José Mário Branco's "FMI". My dad says José Mário Branco isn't the greastest intervention music artist in Portugal, because he is too damn extremist. On that matter, I think that is what makes him so damn good.

Twenty or so minutes of ranting like it should be.

Second, this article on Island. Yes, it is an Islamic website, but their news chains are used to tell the truth.

I saw my true love. She was a Sullen of Flowers//Down on the street walk the lifeless

Happy scumday

Enjoy the rain and go make noise away from my window, fuckers.

Journey

Some guys just don't learn the lesson

"America's Secret Plan to Arm Libya's Rebels

Obama asks Saudis to airlift weapons into Benghazi

by Robert Fisk

Desperate to avoid US military involvement in Libya in the event of a prolonged struggle between the Gaddafi regime and its opponents, the Americans have asked Saudi Arabia if it can supply weapons to the rebels in Benghazi. The Saudi Kingdom, already facing a "day of rage" from its 10 per cent Shia Muslim community on Friday, with a ban on all demonstrations, has so far failed to respond to Washington's highly classified request, although King Abdullah personally loathes the Libyan leader, who tried to assassinate him just over a year ago.

Saudi Arabia has not yet responded to a request from the US to supply weapons to rebels in Libya (Getty) Washington's request is in line with other US military co-operation with the Saudis. The royal family in Jeddah, which was deeply involved in the Contra scandal during the Reagan administration, gave immediate support to American efforts to arm guerrillas fighting the Soviet army in Afghanistan in 1980 and later – to America's chagrin – also funded and armed the Taliban."

taken from http://www.commondreams.org/headline/2011/03/07

Pow! Right in the kisser!

Toma lá, arruaceiro da merda.

From Ethiopia, with love

Yes, you look like a stripper. Yes, I smoke.

Is everyone insane? Part 2: Why God? Why have you forsaken me?

Like getting out of bed befora 7 a.m. just to have hour and an half of classes wasn't bad enough, having to listen to some whitetrash girl (whitetrash being the key word on this phrase) talking about vaginal rings on the boat to Lisbon and then getting home and having to see comercials like this:

... I only see three solutions to this, 1) I need to start consuming hallucinogenic drugs, in the worst case, I start seeing pink elaphants. 2) I need to start smoking weed, in the worst case I laugh my ass even harder. 3) I need to get out of home completely shitfaced, no matter what time is it, in the worst case I end up calling all the Greek Gods at once in a middle of a physics class.

Is everyone insane?

Two straight days seeing and having to handle with persons who make me feel normal. Since the guy from Juve Leo who was completelly drunk and stoned and that wouldn't shut up in a nerve-wracking match, to the old lady who tried to enter the subway on the wrong side, and things like this keep on happening... I just know I'm feeling normal and that, usually, ain't a good thing...

How to get arrested for being a dumbass 101

Can someone tell this mister that Hitler didn't like fairies?

Just because

Something a little different from the usual

Was reading Scott Kelly's blog and he mentioned this guy, Thomas Hooper, saying "he is the greatest tattooer in the world right now". I've had always a great respect for tattooers who are capable of doing very detailed and, at the same time, huge tatt's. Saw some of his work and, among other great drawings, I saw this one:



No wonder I've liked it, wolf howling at the moon drawing not in a queer heavy power metal way.

Where did you go, psycho boy?

They... Cannot... Touch... Her.

It gets closer and closer

No one knows your lies!

Every night I can't fall asleep I end up hearing this guys.

Valentine's Day

Atenção:
A pessoa que levar isto completamente a sério (tirando a parte da possivel dedicatória e das meninas serem putas), merece um chapadão. E isso seria pouco.

Bem, hoje é aquele belo dia do ano em que toda a gente chama bestas aos maridos benfiquistas que batem nas mulheres. Noutro dia qualquer até eu concordaria com um tabefe à senhora por levar uma mine sem estar fresca, mas neste dia em especial do ano, acho simplesmente nojento.

Noutra toada, hoje é aquele dia em que muitos, especialmente os solteiros, se revoltam por ser um dia de marketing Mas têm que compreender que há pessoas que precisam de dias em que uma namorada que não passa de uma puta reles ou que um namorado dos no name boys/juve leo/super dragões/outro grupo de arruaceiros, sejam simpáticos e até amorosos.

O meu caso é outro, o melhor que tenho conseguido é variar entre ser narcisista ou punheteiro, o que no fundo, acaba por ser muito parecido para não dizer que é basicamente a mesma merda já que acabo por foder e me foder a mim mesmo, não tenho que me preocupar com nada. (Peço desculpa às gajas e/ou senhoras que possam ler isto, sou realmente uma pessoa de muito baixo nível (penso que isto não seja novidade para a maioria). Às meninas não digo nada que meninas são as putas e, para essas, infelizmente ou não, não tenho papel nem uma banda para poder ir para a cama com vocês.)

Mas, como sou um gajo simpático (de baixo nível mas simpático), aqui fica para todas aquelas gajas e/ou senhoras (acreditem que me estou a rir só da possibilidade de mais que 1 ler este blog, quanto mais esta merda), que se sintam sozinhas e necessitadas de "carinho" sentimental, fiquem com isto e pensem que é dedicado a vocês (ou a ti).




Para aqueles que estão a comemorar, um resto de bom dia. Pode ser que dêem umas cambalhotas a partir de umas posições diferentes do habitual. Estou a torcer por vocês tal como a maioria dos Sportinguistas agora torceriam pelo touro caso o Paulo Sérgio decidisse armar-se em forcado outra vez.

Becoming an Hooligan Everyday: Mother! Fucker!

Wayne Rooney's awesome goal! Man Utd vs Man City 2-1
Enviado por madhotnews. - Explore mais vídeos de esporte e esporte radical.

Fuckin' Fuck Motherfucker! I wanna be able to do that!

Breaking in

First geocaching night, last night. Basically, it involved two break-ins in two closed parks. One Jumped over a wall and another crawl below the fence. 'T'was a very "smart" night, indeed.

Pointing the obvious

Well, I'm in the living room with my mother and she's seeing Dr. Oz's show. He said an inpressive thing that I didn't know, "anger and stress can take you to the limit".

Never thought about that. Seriously...

On other news, I think I'm going to spend 7€ in a La Trappe Quadrupel



The bigger bottle.

"La Trappe Quadrupel

A unique Trappist beer that is even put to rest sorted by year in the cellars of the abbey for further fermentation. The strongest beer of La Trappe with a beautiful amber colour. The warm taste is full and well-balanced. A little bit sweet and pleasantly bitter. La Trappe Quadruple is also fermented in oak barrels.

Since 2008, we also age La Trappe Quadrupel in oak barrels. This gives the oak-aged Trappist beer an even fuller taste with a special wooded scent, which is comparable to wood-aged red wine. Starting June 2010 La Trappe Oak Aged is available in bottles of 37,5cl and exclusively for sale at the store at the brewery.

10% vol. alc., pouring temperature 10-14 ºC"

According to http://www.latrappe.nl/

Schizoid derelict

I dedicate this to this fistfucked society

Fuck off and on your way, tell those Egyptian lunatics that they're needed here too.

Mindscape of Alan Moore

O documentário completo sobre o Alan Moore. Quem é amigo? Quem é? (O gajo que perdeu tempo a por isto no Youtube...)

Burned Out

Haven't post a Derek Hess print for a long time

Wineheart

By Jacob Bannon

Why do you love the game?

Because it makes sense.

Yap

First of all, two things. One: No, I'm not closing this dump. Two: No, I'm mot considering suicide (maybe stop supporting Sporting... Yeah! Right! Who the fuck am I trying to fool???).



Feels like I've reached the end of this road. I risk to say that, there is nothing here that excites me anymore... No money, no sex, no fun, no nothing. Everywhere I look it is all the same for a long time. Everything I do, feels like... Feels? I wonder if that is the right word... Probably not, probably yes... I miss the old days. No thrill of the hunt, no thrill of the kill. It's just dead ends and dead dreams. God, I really miss the old days, and I not a really nostalgic person. I'm not one of those persons who keeps crying about when they were this, when they done that. Perhaps I'm becoming like that. Perhaps is just a phase... Big phase this is/maybe be. I'm unable to feel like I'm part of something bigger than me, that... Fuck! Look at me, wondering through what is, in fact, nothing. Life feeds on life or the Ouruboros, have more curves than my thoughs right now... Perhaps I just need to have a shag... Perhaps I should do anything instead of just bitching... Fuck! I've lost track of the times I've written perhaps... Well, this whole shit is just a fucking big supposition. Sincerely, nothing makes sense to me, a long time ago. I've just been dragging my ass around, trying to find some meaning to this shit.I think seeing "The Body of Jennifer" because Megan Fox (Tell me she is hot, I'll slap you. Tell me she is a good actress, I'll double slap you. Seriously! A Plastic sex doll has less plastic in it than her...) is in it makes more sense that most of my life. Well, this realization at least gives me a reason to rest or, go back to basics. Don't know what sounds more patetic... Rest, starting walking the other way, or this text... Maybe the three. Not maybe, it is the three... Maybe if I get drunk enough the doors of perception will open again. I think I have a plan for wednesday... Well, going to smoke more, and listen to smoke Tom Waits. Maybe a it will show me some light...

Calm down.

Stop being a fuckin' idiot and calm the fuck down! Just calm the fuck down!

Every Day is 9/11!

Everyday is 9/11! Every day the terror spreads a bit more and every day we see ourselves deprived of our freedom. Society is fragmented, powerless and alone. Society is dying. We are dying.

Image @ DMZ #1: On the Ground, Part 1. Created by Brian Wood and Riccardo Burchielli

Wise Words

"Listen... Once you realize out what a joke everything is, being the comedian's the only thing that makes sense."

By The Comedian @ Watchmen, written by Alan Moore.

My version of the American Dream

This, at an empty New York bar, drinking and smoking.

Showtime: Tough players

For those who think Utah has (had) only mormons and that black guys who have colored their air with every colour of the rainbow aren't tough.

"The Mailman" Karl Malone:


Dennis Rodman:


Fuck off LeBron!

Trash Talk 101

Fuck this...

Well, night well spent, though it was the last time I'll see Rizzo for a time (after a long time without seeing everyone who helped me a lot...), it was a night well spent.

Shit was when I got on the boat and it was just niggers and whiggers (nothing against black guys, just against fucking scum), and I saw myself almost surrounded by scum (in fact, forget the almost, I was on a boat and had nowhere to escape if I had to run). A guy asks me for cocaine saying "do you have some of that white stuff" and I answer him that I don't. He keeps trying to push me untill the time he says that I look more like an heroin guy. Again, I say I don't have nothing. He tells me that if I don't have cocaine to put my headphones because he would only talk to people who had it.

I may be stupid for a lot of time but one thing I'm not is dumb... Changed seats to a place where I wouldn't have to listen to this fellows conversation and where I would know it would be, in theory, safer to get out of that without having to face any fucker. Got out of the boat while that nice fellow who asked me for cocaine was having an arguement with some other shitfuck and walked fast. I thought, if they catched me and if I was sober I could take out one, in max, two, unarmed... No more than that and had to have a shithole of luck of the size of the my hometown... Like I wasn't sober, decided to sober myself up. Nothing better than the imminence of some ugly confrontation aliened to the fact that almost every breath I had, would freeze even more my face... So, I sped up my pace and grabed the first rock, massive enough to crack a fuckers skull, and went home with a motherfucking grimm smile.

Once again, fuck this shithole... Fuck all this.

E de repente, deu-me vontade de comer pão com planta

Tem realmente bom aspecto.

Good to know: Cassandra Complex

"The Cassandra metaphor is applied by some psychologists to individuals who experience physical and emotional suffering as a result of distressing personal perceptions, and who are disbelieved when they attempt to share the cause of their suffering with others."

According to wikipedia

Becoming an Hooligan Everyday: Estado de crise

Ontem, Real Madrid ganhou 1-0 ao Maiorca. Não a crise não é com nenhum desses clubes, simplesmente vai servir para analogia no que se segue. Para os atentos ao futebol, em Portugal, o Sporting vive tempos conturbados, no inicio da época a perda daquele que durante as ultimas temporadas juntou ao estatuto de capitão, o de jogador mais importante da equipa num processo em que nem João Moutinho, nem o Sporting ficaram bem vistos. Seguiu-se a saída de Miguel Veloso, um jogador que apesar de ser bastante irregular, assumiu um grau de importância muito alta. Antes de tudo isto, um director desportivo que, tirando a contratação de Valdez, uma contratação a sério tendo em conta que em quase tudo tem sido uma mais valia, nada tem tem feito. Um treinador que nunca deu o salto de um clube pequeno para um clube que deve e tem a obrigação de lutar pelo titulo. E, por fim, um presidente que devia ser o principal líder do clube mas que nunca justificou ter ganho as eleições com uma margem tão grande.

Com isto tudo verifica-se uma equipa sem confiança, sem estabilidade, que vê-se a defender resultados com equipas inferiores, dificuldades em ter séries de vitorias dignas de um clube que, no inicio da época, se afirmou candidata ao titulo,

Por outro lado, vê-se aqui no pais ao lado, uma equipa que com apenas um ou dois jogadores de classe (De Guzman), que vive muitas vezes dos "restos" de outras equipas espanholas, mas a jogar olhos nos olhos contra outras equipas. Michael Laudrup, antigo carrasco do Sporting num jogo contra o Brondby da Dinamarca, antigo jogador do Barça no qual fez parte da Dream Team de Johan Cruyff, Real Madrid, Juventos e Ajax, agora treinador do Maiorca, põe a equipa a fazer aquilo que se pede num jogo mas que praticamente só se vê em Inglaterra.

Quem ainda não percebeu onde quero chegar, é simples, quero que quando o próximo presidente do Sporting for eleito, despeça aquele enconado do Paulo Sérgio e vá buscar alguém que compreenda a importância da "mística" do clube, alguém que não tenha medo de ganhar por 4 ou 5, o Michael Laudrup seria uma opção.

Metallic Spheres

Bem, das poucas vezes em que consegui ir atento à rádio a passar no carro, deparo-me com aquela figura mítica do Rock português cujo o talento é inversamente proporcional com a sua popularidade. Zé Pedro dos Xutos, guitarrista, bêbado, drogado e dj cujo os relatos das suas actuações tanto como guitarrista como DJ faziam antever um gosto musical no máximo dos máximos a roçar o manhoso, tirando poucas excepções que no entanto, são um clichet musical. No entanto, a meio de um programa em que simplesmente presumo que tenha sido convidado para passar som ou fazer uma lista de melhores álbuns do ano, vai buscar um álbum de um antigo duo que agora vive de um membro original a fazer colaborações, os The Orb. Entre a história dessas (supostas) lendas da música electrónica e chill out, fala em influências de Pink Floyd e colaborações com o Mr. Pink Floyd himself, David Gilmour.



Se a memória não me falha, foi esse o excerto passado. O álbum do ano passado "Metallic Spheres" está dividido em 4 partes Metallic Side (1 e 2) e Sphere Side (1 e 2) e, para alem da colaboração de David Gilmour, conta também com a colaboração e produção de Youth, baixista de Killing Joke. Da parte do David Gilmour tem o que se pode esperar dele, o que dito assim até parece mau, mas bem pelo contrário. Em relação ao álbum em geral, é um bom álbum para estar simplesmente chilling, de preferência deitado no chão a pensar no universo (literalmente ou não, é com vocês).

Porque esta tem uma letra profunda...

Quero ir à tua terra
Onde correm fios de água
Entre goivos e hortelã
Ensina-me a distinguir
O melro da cotovia
Nunca soube o que era ouvir
O galo a anunciar o dia

Tília trevo e açafrão
Erva pura pimentão
Louro salsa e cidreira
Urze brava e dormideira

Vou pedir para me levares
Ao teu mais secreto atalho
Para lá de hortas e pomares
Entre pólen e orvalho

Revela-me os teus segredos
As geleias e os licores
Quero contigo aprender
Cheiros ervas e flores

Tília trevo e açafrão
Erva pura pimentão
Louro salsa e cidreira
Urze brava e dormideira
Vai fiando a tua roca
De adágios e tecidos
Quero ouvir da tua boca
Os assombros mais antigos
Sou um pobre cidadão

Perdi o fio de mim
Um bichinho do betão
Que nunca viu o alecrim

Tília trevo e açafrão
Erva pura pimentão
Louro salsa e cidreira
Urze brava e dormideira

Isto porque algum dia tinha que falar sobre isto

Se há algo pior na música portuguesa que os Polo Norte, são os Delfins... E se há algo pior que os Delfins, são os Delfins e os Polo Norte... Quem é que teve a triste ideia de os juntar...

Becoming an Hooligan Everyday: Payback's a Bitch

Well, few weeks back Birmingham City were able to score a draw against Manchester United in Birmingham at the overtime with an irregular goal (Zigic assisted to what's name with is arm). Today, United showed that payback's a bitch. Five nill in Old Trafford, Berba's third Hat-trick this season, the 37-yeat young left winger Ryan Giggs and Nani scored the goals.

Tuesday is against Blackpool.

And, on other hand, Aston Fucking Villa, won against Manchester City with a goal from their new striker, Darren Bent! (This one is here, just because I hate Man. City)

Porque se isto não fosse potencialmente sério, votava neste gajo

Porque quem tem o slogan "Basta de pasteis, Coelho a Belém" (que é, sem dúvida alguma, o melhor slogan que alguma vez li, ouvi e pensei na minha vida.), é um comediante do caralho!

Finally reached the seas

Becoming an Hooligan Everyday: Més que un club (part 2)

FODA-SE!

Isto andava calmo demais. É um facto.

I want to laugh like Joker

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! *breathe, breathe* AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

The new Chuck Norris...

Presenting to you, Clive Owen. The most dangerous guy with a carrot ever.

2010/2011

Well, well, well. It's 2011. Happy new year to everyone (this time I mean it :p). Time to look back, it's a bit ordinary but, I have to admit it, it is the best time to take a look at actions we've made during the course of this period. It's a new cycle, whether we like to admit it or not, Earth has made another "travel" around the Sun, which makes it even more natural (at least the way I see it). So, like an ordinary guy and like someone who is in hands with some free time and is in the spirit, I'm going to do it. Some (most) stupid things, others more serious, just going to free my ego (yes, this space is mostly about my fucked up ego. If you don't like it, fuck off. Seriously... I don't care) for a bit a wander a bit around it.

Can't say 2010 was a good year mainly because it wasn't. In fact 2009 already ended in some sort of a downward spiral (Started this text using the name of a Duffy song and now I'm using the name of a Nine Inch Nails album, pretty cool, ain't it? Don't answer, it's a rhetorical question) and entered 2010 in a not so good way, and what starts bad, usually ends up becoming even worse. On the other hand, I have to admit it, although some fucked up scares. My grandmother getting hospitalized three times, one of which coincided with the date my grandfather died, other ended up with surgery and last, but not least, renal failure one week after getting out of the fucking hospital of surgery. Gladly, it only scared the shit out of me and my family and "nothing more". Once again, could have been a lot worse this year.

But well, starting from the beginning. Ending 2009 having to take pills to control anxiety, making all the wrong choices, not giving up when I should had given up. Entered like a ticking time bomb in 2010. Like I believe the few ones who read this blog, know me quite well (I'm shy but at the same time an open book) and, if there are people who read this blog who don't know me, you have since April to read if you want. Spending months after months suffering from insomnias (today I'm just a bit drunk (this part explains why I writing this) and on vacations, if you're worried), wishing to be drunk, if not drunk. And I'm not saying simply drunk, I mean really completely shitfaced. If I wasn't able to do it, I would just close myself in my little and fucked up world. Luckily, I had always people looking up for me. I know it sounds lame, but I thank them everyday. Don't show it to them because I'm just a closed person, when I feel I have to isolate myself, I just do it. Can spend a lot of time without "appearing", don't ask me why, I just can.

But going on. Shit happening, not succeeding in everything which didn't include me fucking up even more my life for months. College, relationships, I couldn't even connect with my own family. Every step I'd walked, was getting me more close to all the gutters and shits I didn't believe or didn't like. Not going to throw blames at no one because, in the end (Linkin Park song), I have to be one who I blame the most. I just could have stopped when I know I should have stopped. I should have stopped instead of trying to be the fucking All Mighty Superman. But I didn't. I tried and I collapsed (Black Sun lyrics for "Paralyzer (Prison of the Cross)". Fuck! No one can stop me today with this shitty analogies!). This shit is a vicious cycle, once I realized, I was with an anxiety crises again. Had a lot of time in which nothing seemed to make sense. I felt I just had no purpose. Yeah! I know it's a bit (it's quite a lot, but fuck it) drama queen hysteria, but hey! I'm just telling thing how they've happened. Luckily at some point the rope was stretched too much and I, with help from persons who knew what they were doing and others that didn't and a bottle of Port Wine before 1p.m. (drunk courage, the best emergency exit when not facing a fire).

Eventually, I ended up spending some time in Meco seeing spanish girls showing their tits on the beach (good, very good memories(For T.: MAAN, MAMAS, MAAAN!)), started getting wasted because it just happened and not because I needed to or otherwise I wouldn't just sleep. Things started to look a bit brighter. Found (again) some new additions, the one that is more at sight is soccer. João Moutinho transfer for Sporting C.P. to F.C.Porto played a big part of it (being able to see almost every Barcelona and Premier League game helped to). Things started changing. Once again, things got brighter.

When college started again, I was a bit afraid of feeling misplaced like I was before but, found out it was quite the opposite. Funny how one problem can affect you some many ways when you just don't want to deal with it the way you know you should. In fact, although I find myself forced to not spend time in some things I want to spend, for the first time in three years I feel like that is my place (Yeah, fucking lame. Don't like it, fuck off.)

And now, like I can't see to write about "happy" things in a way I can feel proud of it (that's why I don't really write in months), just some "stupid" (or not) Highlights and Downlows of 2010 and some expectations for 2011 (warnig this is where most of the stupidity enters, feel free to not read this part)

Highlights:
Sports:
Barça winning La Liga with a record 99 points. Barça winning 5-0 against Real Madrid (and destroying almost any team which is put in front of them). San Antonio Spurs, Chicago Bulls and Dallas Mavericks having their best season starts on NBA (Yeas, I watch NBA to. I'm becoming a bit of a sports nerd. Sorry.) in ages. Manchester United reaching the end of 2010 with only one defeat (for the League cup) and almost becoming the first team ever to end the Champions League group phase without suffering a goal (suffered one, in the last game against Valência). Spain winning the World Cup (probably the only Portuguese glad for a Spanish victory). They were the best and, I descend from Spanish, so fuck you, if you don't like it.

Music:
Gigs:
Simbiose @ Moita Metalfest (any gig that gives me a body breakdown is worth mentioning!!);Utopium @ Kylakankra (or whatever the name of that shithole was!); Celeste @ SWR; Taint @ SWR; Zeni Geva @ SWR; Converge @ Revolver Bar.

CDs (2010/Pre-2010):
Melissa Auf Der Maur – “Out of our Minds”; Utopium – “Conceptive Prescience”, QoTSA and Mesa Discography, Kate Bush – “Lionheart”, “Hounds of Love” & “Never for Ever” and Nine Inch Nails – “Year Zero”, Florence and the Machine - "Lungs".

Life:
First Tattoo and the rest I've already mentioned it.

Movies (2010/Pre-2010):
Inception (to be honest, didn’t saw much from this year.);Fight Club;Gran Torino.

Downlows:
Sports:
Chelsea winning the Premier League. Benfica winning the Portuguese League. Sporting completely digging it's own grave. L.A. Lakers winning the NBA (if Lakers win again, Kobe equals Michael Jordan's mark (6 times champions)). Sporting's new manager sucks and is a sort of bullfighter.

For 2011:
There is a lot of thing I hope for. Most of them are probably impossible. So I just wish you all a good 2011.

First song of the year:


Now I'm going to smoke a bit more, and try to finish a 60 year old champagne bottle.